How to Emotionally Prepare for Life in New Zealand
International relocation comes with plenty of excitement and adventure. On top of that, New Zealand brings unending natural beauty, free healthcare, good education, and an enviable lifestyle. New Zealand’s relative freedom from the pandemic only increases its allure to aspiring expats.
With all those perks, it’s easy to gloss over the inevitable emotional bumps in the expat journey.
My life in New Zealand has not been all rainbows* and kittens, nor do I expect it’ll become utopian any time soon.
So I’d like to share some of the struggles that I overlooked when I embarked on this journey.
Moving away from your country of origin means signing up for being an outsider — or at least being perceived as one
Try as we might, humans are not chameleons.
When I first arrived in Auckland and got out of MIQ, I remember being asked multiple times a day when I’d arrived: despite my familiarity with New Zealand, I clearly stood out as a newcomer.
As my most obvious American mannerisms and speech patterns started to soften, the question became less common, and I started to wonder when people might start mistaking me for a New Zealander.
And then I chatted with a friend’s mum. I initially misjudged her as recently arrived only to learn that, while she’s Canadian, she has lived here for several decades. This drove home the point that, although my kids stand a chance of picking up the world’s sexiest accent, as an adult, I really don’t.
Homesickness isn’t always predictable
It’s hard to anticipate exactly when homesickness will crop up.
You might expect it to show up on holidays or other personally significant days.
But it can also appear when you least expect it, like when you laugh at something that no one around you finds funny or when you crave a particular flavour of ice cream or when you see someone who looks like your best friend.
Everyday life can feel quite tiring
There’s an added level of effort that goes into living in a culture other than your own.
Coming from the US, I notice the thought I have to put into driving on the left side of the road and into constantly second-guessing my spelling. There’s on-going code-switching that happens with word choice and behaviour as well. Many social interactions leave me wondering if I handled the given situation in a culturally appropriate way.
COVID hasn’t made it easier
The pandemic has exacerbated many of these challenges.
Living on islands in the Pacific with closed borders really highlights our geographic isolation. And going from an extended state of pandemic anxiety and social isolation to a fully functioning society was a shock to the system. Meanwhile, I experience survivor’s guilt from leaving behind friends and family living on the front lines of the pandemic while I enjoy refuge in New Zealand.
At the same time, in light of the pandemic, well-meaning people here assume that I feel only gratitude to be here and relief to have left there, when the reality is far more complicated.
Even so, it’s possible to weather these bumps with the right support.
Seek information, support, and connection
Go into your New Zealand relocation with reasonable expectations and good information.
Do your research or work with an expert who is familiar with the emotional journey of an expat. No one can anticipate every challenge, but it’s wise to invest in understanding the more common experiences. The first thing that our Resettlement Advisor did when we met her is share some research on expat wellbeing so that we knew to expect some challenges.
Mental health support is critical during a major life change like international relocation.
Don’t hesitate to reach out for professional help. With the large number of expats and Kiwis who have lived off shore, you’re likely to find a therapist who has been through this process themself. This has been hugely helpful for me, and I’ve talked with other recent arrivals who found the same thing.
Find balance in your connections.
Ideally, you want to maintain your old friendships while leaving space for new ones. What’s the right amount of contact with old friends and family that allows you to feel grounded and also available for new possibilities? How can you grow relationships in your new home to feel more connected?
I’ve found that pre-scheduling monthly calls with some of my closest friends in the US allows us to stay in touch on a regular basis while removing pressure for more frequent contact, thereby allowing me time in my daily schedule to make new friends.
Because of the bad days, the good ones feel even better
Getting adjusted takes time and was never going to be a direct path. The bumps along the way can make the highlights even sweeter. For instance, I wouldn’t have been nearly as awestruck by all those jumping dolphins without having experienced the tears and frustrations that led me to that beautiful beach.
*I did, however, spot a pod of dolphins and a rainbow within 24 hours of each other at the same beach this summer.
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Mobile Relocation connects you with what you need to thrive in New Zealand. Contact us today to talk about how we can carry your relocation burden.
Bridget is a New Zealander who has lived and worked as a diplomat in Singapore and India. After experiencing all facets of the relocation experience, she founded Mobile to work with private individuals moving to NZ and leading local and international businesses bringing in offshore talent. bridget@mobile-relocation.com
Amanda is a former US immigration attorney who moved to NZ with her Kiwi partner and three children during COVID. She enjoys making the journey easier for those following a similar path and providing the perspective of someone who’s recently been there. amanda@mobile-relocation.com
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